You are not alone.
This is a word no one wants to hear, yet 1 in 4 pregnancies result in miscarriage. One of the biggest questions is WHY. WHY would God allow this to happen? WHY would He give me a child if He only intended on taking it away? Did I do something wrong? What’s wrong with me? There are so many questions that go through a woman’s mind when faced with miscarriage. This article, by no means, will be able to answer any of these questions because honestly, I don’t have the answers. The purpose of this article is to help you know how to handle a miscarriage from a biblical perspective and to give you some guidelines of things to consider to help you get through this time of grief.
God has given my husband and me four beautiful, healthy children, but I have been pregnant six times. My first miscarriage came between my first and second children. We found out I was miscarrying at 6 weeks along. My second miscarriage was the last time I was pregnant. I didn’t find out that the baby was gone until I was 10 weeks along. Although I don’t know why God has allowed us to experience the pain and disappointment of a miscarriage twice. Some women have gone through this multiple times with no explanation in view. It is a hard thing to build up your hopes and dreams and then see them all being crushed down without being able to do anything about it. God never promised that we would go through this life without any hardships or losses, BUT He did promise to be with us through those times that seem hopeless.
“ My grace is sufficient for thee: for my strength is made perfect in weakness.” 2 Cor 12:9-10
" The Lord is nigh unto them that are of a broken spirit…" Psalm 34:18
One characteristic of our Lord is that He is tenderhearted and has felt every pain and grief that we will ever go through in this life. Jesus has already been there; He knows and He cares so much. Thinking back to my two miscarriages, it was such a comfort for me to be able to call on the Lord and just ask Him to hold my hand, to wrap His arms around me, and to rest in the knowledge that He has a plan.
“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, saith the Lord, thoughts of peace, and not of evil, to give you an expected end.” Jeremiah 29:11
Now, I’m going to be honest. It was not an easy thing for my ears to hear “God has a plan, you just can’t see it right now.” “It’s God’s will.” “All things work together for good…” - these words are very common to hear amongst believers who are trying to comfort you. Many of you might be thinking right now..” she claims to be close to the Lord and can’t even take encouraging, biblical words from family and friends and the Bible?” I didn’t want to hear these words because at that time, they didn’t seem to solve my problems or answer any of my questions. They just seemed to add to the fact that my baby was gone. However, these words are truth. Truth, that in the proper time, needs to be heard. Truth that needs to be absorbed. Truth can be painful but it can bring true healing, comfort, and rest. It might not answer all of my questions right then and there but it will bring an unexplainable peace and comfort to those who rest and trust in that truth.
When a woman finds herself in these circumstances, she should first, give herself space and time to grieve. This baby was a life, a hope, a dream, and now is suddenly shattered and non-existent. Some people do not like to dwell on the circumstances of what's happened and they just want to move on with life. But, in order for proper healing to take place, emotionally and spiritually, a time of grieving is necessary.
My husband is currently studying the book of Lamentations. He was sharing with me the steps towards properly grieving or lamenting. To lament is to passionately express grief or sorrow. I thought these steps would be very helpful to share in this article:
Turn to God - face Him, approach Him
Lay out your complaint - tell God your troubles
Ask God to do something - talk to God and bring your requests to Him
Learn to trust - remind yourself of who God is and rest in that truth
Secondly, a woman should surround herself with the truths of God’s Word which was talked about above and also is the last step in the lamenting process. At this point, your pain of loss will obviously not be gone, but your heart will be softened and will be at a place where you can begin to heal.
To conclude this article, I would like to give some practical guidelines to help you through this journey.
Remember your husband.
Some women think it's all about them when they experience a miscarriage. But it’s not. You may have carried this baby, but it was just as much your husbands as it is yours. He may be going through just as much pain as you. So, be there for him too. Suffer, grieve, and heal together.
Write about the details of your baby’s life.
No matter how short or long your baby lived for, it helps to write about the details of what happened. Write about the good parts and sad parts. It helps to remember and bring closure.
Talk to your baby.
I talked with my baby. I told him I loved him and couldn’t wait to see them one day in heaven.
Realize where your baby is at.
It is encouraging to think that your baby woke up in the arms of Jesus and will never have to experience pain or sin on this earth. His first face to see when his eyes opened was Jesus’.
Be patient with people.
Sometimes family and friends want to be there for you but they don’t know how to respond. Just know that they are trying to comfort and help in the only ways they know how to. Be patient with them and accept their acts of love and comfort.
We may never have the answers and we may never have the reasons why but know that you're not alone through this journey. God knows, God cares and God heals.